#13 Memories and Fig Preserves

Photo Credit: http://www.indiamike.com
my grandmother........

my grandmother that didn't have a "grandfather" to go with her ............ever....... in my entire life............the young one, I can remember her age easily (my age +40).  I knew her well and visited her often as a child, we lived in the same town and she adored me.

my grandmother, the telephone operator that worked for "Bell." and even retired from the company but didn't know how to make a collect call from a touch tone once she did.

She taught me that I could like and tolerate eating rice (after adding sugar and butter to it), how to play the juke box and dance and sing in the donut shop down the street, how to pick figs from a tree and most of all how it is perfectly ok for me to scream and yell and leave "The" Baptist Church because they didn't "know how to do Church Right."  **disclaimer *I was 4 years old and my memory may not have it all right, but I do know that I left and didn't get in trouble and I wasn't quiet about it. 


I don't think she has been the same for many more years than they are documenting.   She has been dillusional about things such as "paranoid" that people want to and have stolen from her and some even return the goods all when she is not looking.  In addition she was mean to females that tried to help her or give her advice, she was childlike in nature and very jealous of the affections of others (me, my dad etc) being shown especially in her home.  I am not sure the proper diagnosis but there has bound to be one. She not only did not want my niece in her home but she also believed that I had taken some of her flatware home with me ,  this was after I cleaned her bronze table in her living room and hooked up her VCR broke her microwave and made her television inoperable. (omg!)

The same woman that is "blind" with macular degeneration........the same woman that walks everywhere she goes.  The same woman that didn't have a color tv, a husband nor a car for as many years as I can remember.

Baptist Church in Natchitoches

She documented and kept everything for years on a calendar.   She lived her life , waiting.............waiting....for a phone call or a visit.... from a few people that she likes and trusts to visit or call her.  She wasn't and isn't always nice to them and yes is inappropriate with "time of day/night" and also some topics of discussion.  She gets angry if you ask her too many personal questions and her perception of "personal" is distorted.
IE:   Bathroom Habits and Shutting the door while using the Bathroom are optional and acceptable in her mind at any time and in any detail

AND it is not acceptable to discuss any of her marriages, or relationships around those marriages at any time.

When my parents split up ..........my Grandmother was only in my life when my Dad was, which wasn't often but she did send me things in the mail , and pictures of herself.  She moved.  Rumors and Tales were told to me and around me about the escapades of my young grandmother, her misfortunes and also her lack of discernability  (is this even a word?)  around and about men.  I was told that my father hated his mother , but these words were never uttered from his mouth to my ears.   I was told she was crazy...............but no one did anything about it.


I think she was 14 or 15 when my father was born, some say it was a shotgun wedding.......... I wonder if there was ever a wedding at all............no one that was there wants to talk about it.

I was told she was an "embarrassment" to my dad as his friends sometimes dated her when he went to college..............again............words that were never uttered from my fathers mouth.........but rumored around town and brought to my ears for some unknown reason?  I loved my Grandmother and could have cared less about what happened before I was born, much less my Dad.   Yep and I "gathered" from my Dad's off handed remarks, coupled with a few other people's chosen words that in fact my Great Grandmother (more on her later) played a huge role in raising my father, while my grandmother worked as a single mom. I really don't know all of the details and some part of me would love to learn about them though as I feel that the missing puzzle pieces may help explain many circumstances and reactions of others that always confused me.


They put her in a Nursing Home last week.  They say "she hasn't been the same since she had that UTI a few weeks back after injuring her hip" and having to go on a catheter in the hospital I am assuming?   She is now 89.

There are only a few of us left............and then there is an outsider................an evil one............with a will in her purse...........(.this is a true story, I couldn't make something like this up) lurking around all of this sickness in the shadows ,  and pushing buttons and pulling strings to hurry things along.......... GREED is the motivat
 or
.
There is a lot more to this #13 to tell and maybe #13 will have an adum with important details later............but the one thing I must add before closing................. she was proud of me and her son.......  this I know
before the dementia set in ..................she would have done anything she could have for me
She even bought my first real camera for me.

Once she told me that all she ever wanted out of life was to be loved the way she saw some of my ex-boyfriends love me.   How sad to think that she is now 89 and the possibility of that never happening for her ................grows by the minute...............

this was her favorite song to sign to me.... when I was a little girl and when my children were young..

#6 SISTER the "OLD MAID"

                                     THE OLD MAID
Most people learn what an "OLD MAID" is from a card game.......... the card or person YOU DONT WANT right?  I played "OLD MAID" the game without knowing what exactly an "old maid" was for a very long time.  It wasn't until I heard my mother reference "Sister" with that label, that it even dawned on me that the term actually meant something other than a name for a game.

 
 I found out that an "Old Maid" is someone that never marries or has children, they are someone that lives alone.   That, at least, was what was told to me when I inquired.    It was implied to me by the game and the definition ...... as if there were something "wrong" with being an Old Maid , and they always looked "less than desirable" as they were depicted on the cards, and you were a LOSER if you were "stuck with one."

Charlotte Hawkins

06/28/1907 - 01/15/1988

                                                           such a good and gentle spirit.

"SISTER" is what we called her, but her name was Charlotte. She was also lovingly named, "Lottie" and "Aunt Lottie"  but I didn't remember that fact and was reminded of that recently on facebook.

"Sister" is what my Grandmother called her sister, you see, she was very formal.  She called her mom, "mother" her sister "sister" and we were told to call her "grandmother."  This tradition or habit is what was handed down to her daughters and ultimately to me............. "Sister"  was my Great-Aunt that lived in Arkansas.


I went to Arkansas a few times in my younger years and I don't remember the "specifics" of each visit but I do remember once I got to go with my Grandmother.   I don't remember the ride there but I do remember being there at the house.  I remember the grand pecan trees in the yard with the biggest pecans I had ever seen!  I remember "Uncle Mark" cracking some pecans and that's not all he was good at, he was also good at cracking jokes and he kept Sister and I laughing.  I guess Grandmother didn't see the humor in them?   I remember going up into the attic with Sister's encouragement.  She saved everything and the attic was full of relics from the past.  Stacks of newspapers, letters, trunks, and even a small little coat was hanging up there that was one of theirs when they were little.  I was always told that everything in the attic was either "junk" or "dry rotted" but to me just looking at everything was like finding buried treasures!  :)

Sister was such a good and gentle spirit.

I loved the kitchen in the house.  It was small and not "modernized" everything was older and at the time I didn't realize it but would be called "vintage" by todays standards.  The only thing I didn't like was the oilcloth / tablecloths on the square, chrome and formica table.  I asked Sister why she didn't use a "pretty" tablecloth, and I remember Uncle Mark laughing and Grandmother sternly looking at me........ she said, "they are easier to wipe off."   I don't think Sister had "hired help" to do her laundry like my Grandmother did.  The kitchen was the "central" room in this large house, its where everyone talked, ate, sat, shucked corn, and cracked pecans.  Its the same room that is central in my own house today.  No one comes into my house without coming into the kitchen.    The house she lived in  was the family home and had been inherited by "Sister"  the one that never married.   It had high ceilings and beautiful furnishings, at least to me........... it even had cool door knobs that I had to reach up to turn............ at the entrance to every room.   I remember there were lots of these and also lots of  fireplaces being in the house, but I don't recall a fire being burned in them.  This house was eventually restored to "high standards" and I believe it is on some Historic Registries too.  It was sold to Uncle Mark for $1 by the McCleary Sisters in 1988.  I understand that this town is a Ghost Town, there are no children that want to live there.  I would like to buy the house still, if no one else wants it in the family, heck I will even pay 10000x the 1988 cost if need be.

She was such a good and gentle spirit.

Sister dressed in dresses.  I don't remember seeing her in anything else.  Cotton dresses with big square pockets. Most of them had flowers on them or some other symbol of something she liked or a color she prefered.   Most of the time I believe she wore an apron over her dress to protect it..... if my memory serves me correctly could bake a wonderful pecan pie.  Sister came to visit our house when I was a little girl.   She played with me.  She called my doll by her right name, "Jelly." and she liked make-believe.  She would go into my "pretend" worlds with me, when other adults didn't.  This is the person who taught me what paper dolls were!  Sister and I would cut out figures from the Sears & Robuck Catalog and then also cut out the clothes with little tabs on the edges so that our dolls could wear the latest fashions!  Another activity that Sister introduced to me in the kitchen was the card game of Rummy........Gin Rummy was her favorite.  Sometimes she would laugh so much while we played cards and talked that she took a tissue out of her apron pocket and wiped her eyes.  She had the "real" laugh of a "real person" the kind that made your shoulders hunch over.  It may sound like an oxymoron but she quietly laughed loudly.  Sister also taught me two different types of solitaire games.  I am guessing that she learned all that she knew from being alone.........how to effective entertain and amuse oneself.  Again that is just a guess......... but it kinda fits? I remember how to play the games and card tricks and doodles she taught me and have shown them to most of the children I have loved in my life.  I still know how to do them today and hopefully so do my children and grandchildren.  I believe I adopted a very valuable and useful skill aka survival tool for my entire life.  She also buried treasure in the yard...........pennies, nickels and dimes.  She let me "find" the treasures and made me gasp as she asked me "do you think a fairy god mother left them there for us?"
She was so much fun and the one I "wanted" unlike the Old Maid, that you tried so hard to avoid......
maybe?  she never found anyone that was good enough?

I can count with 10 fingers the amount of times that I remember with  being with Sister, but it is probably more about the times she spent especially with me.  She lived in Arkansas and we lived hours away so the visits were far and in between, not nearly as often as I would have wanted if given a choice.

Sister was such a good and gentle spirit. 

I visited Sister in 1979 when I was 17 years old.  I found her house from memory and the name of the town.

I had not visited there since I was a small child.  I visited with my first husband, Curtis.  We found Parkdale on the map and went there after a visit to Virginia.  We arrived there very early in the morning and waited outside in the car until the sun came up and I saw movement.  I went to the door not "quite" sure I was in the right place.  A very old woman that I did not recognize came to the door.  She had a very white powdered face and yellow surrounded the pupils of her eyes, her teeth were yellow too and this was intensified by the very red lipstick she wore on her lips.  She had on a cotton dress and her hair was pin curled.  This was NOT the sister I remembered, I thought I had the wrong house.   I am sure that I paused a long time as I inspected her for a resemblance of the woman I so fondly remembered.   I found my voice, but I am not sure what I said, and found out "yes" Sister did live there, and this was "Aunt Francis"  a person I really didn't remember but I acted like I did for that visit..I think I was scared not to. .if I were being truthful I thought of an old movie (What ever happened to Baby Jane) when I saw the two of them.   I found out later that she was Sister's "sister in law", was quite nice and and had moved in with Sister after the passing of her husband..........I never really knew Aunt Francis as a matter of fact , she didn't know who I was when I came to the door,..........so it was obvious that she wasn't exactly sent cards , letters and pictures of us growing up. 
I had a great visit and was welcomed into Sister's  home and open arms......... she fed us (home made fried chicken & lemon pie)   and we had showers and then we went on our way to Natchitoches to visit the rest of the family. 
Photo:  Bottom "sister"  Top "aunt francis" 

Sister such a good and gentle spirit.

Sister kept in touch with me in the mail for years.  She sent me stamps that any collector would be proud to their collection.  I have a couple today , but its only a couple, most were lost in a divorce and I will never be able to recover them. She got the stamps from the "junk" in the attic, papers and envelopes she saved for many years in mint condition written in fancy quill ink, specialty stamps etc that were rare even in their own time.  Sister knew a worth........ that the rest of the family regarded as junk........... in both human relationships as well as in objects of sentimental value. 

I did not go to Sisters funeral in 1988 ,  I was pregnant with my youngest daughter who was born a month or so later in February.  I'm not sure where I heard it but............ I heard once that for every death there is a birth and Kelly couldn't have a sweeter spirit........... I wonder if a Fairy God-Mother left her for me?

........ such a good and gentle spirit.

NOTE:  the main character of the  movie below was ironically named "Charlotte"

#1 ........ A.R. McCleary ......Mr. Mac........ A Wild Irish Rose

My Papa

Jan. 25, 1915-  April 26, 1989

I don't know a lot about the young A.R. McCleary, when I think about it I really don't know a lot about the elder Mr. Mac either. what I do know is memories and words passed along to me by others, so what I know or knew could be faulty to some degree.

I do happen to know that he was a well respected man in the small town of Natchitoches, LA. the town where I was born.  I don't know exactly why he was respected so much except for the fact that he had money and he owned the town's only Drug Store  "The P&C Drugstore."   What P&C stood for I don't know.

I never saw my grandfather cook ANYTHING much less grill!  This picture was in my Aunts "old family photo" album, I love it because I can see a smile on his youthful looking face and he is enjoying doing something that I for one never witnessed for myself.   I don't know if this was some type of event or not but the caption said "Daddy Grilling Steaks."    I love this picture because I can relate to him , sort of, as I like to cook and love men who grill!   The McCleary family had "hired help" as long as I can / could remember and Octavia (who I have no pictures of)  made all of the meals.   The "big" meal of the day was always "lunch" which they called "dinner" and supper was served after Octavia went home,  usually consisted of a sandwich. 

I don't remember EVER seeing my grandfather in any type of clothing except for suits and suit pants with pocketed shirts.  I never saw him in a pair of jeans, which is kind of funny............if you have ever been to Natchitoches you would also find that funny, its a very rural town.

I moved from Natchitoches by the time I was 6 years old, so I missed out on a lot of my Grandparents lives by living so far away.   We did go back, I believe twice before I moved out of my parents home, maybe 3 times and they visited Virginia a few times as well.     I wasn't given a lot of family history in my life time, but one of the things I did know is that my Grandfather didn't have any living family of his own, due to a fire that took the lives of his siblings? and parents?

My daughter unraveled a few family events / secrets? quite by accident.  She was rummaging through the attic of my maternal great aunts home on a trip to Arkansas and came across some old letters and other written documents that no one had been privvy to in the past.  She found out that my maternal grandparents were secretly married and lived in their parents home, married but apart for quite awhile before this was "found out."  My grandmother lived in Arkansas and my grandfather in Louisiana.    My daughter was not given the documents nor was I ,  or not even copies of it, I did request them though.   My daughter Rachel, was the first Great Grand-Child of the McCleary's

I am not sure when the couple actually settled in Natchitoches LA but it was the only home I knew growing up and remained my Grandfathers home until his death, when my Mother and her sisters sold the home and divided the money.   If I would have had the money I would have liked to have bought this home, in my mind it was the most beautiful home (next to the Hawkins home in Arkansas) that my family ever owned.  It was a sprawling rancher surrounded by a horseshoe shaped lake.  There were many bathrooms, a parlor and even a library room in this house.  The only thing "lacking" was the galley styled kitchen.....I always sat at the bar to eat, it was more inviting.   It had doors in every bedroom that opened up to the outside and a brick courtyard.  The courtyard had with a huge tree covered in ivy right in the center with a brick "surround" that I would sit on and walk on top of when I was little.   My aunts reception was held there, I remember that vividly....... and there was a shed/closet that I loved to walk into and smell the leather from my other aunts saddles.   There was a playground on top of a hill and at one time my aunt kept horses on the property.   I loved it there.

The stories I heard about this man included some about Prohibition, and selling his whiskey from the Drugstore Pharmacy.  They also included many trips to a place called "Many" for business,  I remember going with him once (just he and I) when I was very very young,maybe 3 ?  My Papa was a drinker, he drank liquor, everyday.  I smelled it, I saw it, it was no secret, it was his Geritol, his gasoline that helped him make it through the days and nights.   He was "functional" isn't that what they call it these days?  He would do everything that most people could do with it , but without it, maybe not?   He had some "wheeling and dealing" going on a lot ,  I am not sure anyone really knew everything he was "into" but whatever he did he was successful at it.  There are even pictures of him flying an airplane on my Aunt's facebook wall.

When my Grandfather, Papa, would come to visit we would get to go "out to eat"  I was always reminded not to "talk" as children were to be "seen and not heard."  I never really understood that until much later, when I realized that those that warned me to keep quiet , may have not wanted what I had to say to be heard by such "powerful" ears?   But in any case we did visit an Irish Restaurant on Forrest Hill Avenue called "O'tooles" on one occasion.  My Papa requested that the piano player play "My Wild Irish Rose"  I didn't like the song particularly but I always remembered him requesting it , and wondering what the significance of it was, besides the obvious fact that he was 100% Irish thru and thru...................

I wrote a poem about my grandfather in college entitled "The Silver Years."  It was about my Papa, and the things that I remembered most about him....... It won first place in the annual Sherwood Forrest Student / Alumni Writing contest in 1994.   It also helped me to win the Humanities award for the Department of the Arts & Sciences.

FOR YOU PAPA..................