#46: Little Firefly: Stephanie B.

Stephanie.

I met Stephanie when I did a photo shoot with her son and his band members at the "beach" on our lake here in my neighborhood 3 years ago.  She called me afterwards and scheduled her son's photo shoot for his senior photos.   And just like that....we were fast friends.  She read my blogs, she encouraged me and I her as we both had creative endeavors.  She worked on creating her space all the while going to class for massage therapy and being her husbands work partner in their own car detailing business. We shared laughs, and smiles frequently this past year.  We spent time talking on the phone , through fb and waved and hugged at the functions that we attended together that her daughter was part of cheering, parades, her Senior Photos, Regalia etc.

  

 

What really stuck out the most was Stephanie's "care" for me when my daughter died.  She was "there."   There for me in a capacity that only she was.  She spoke of energy, love, hope and gave me hints to "squelch" some of my angst, sorrow, etc.  She gave me sage, white sage to be exact, and offered love, money, food and promised me a full body massage "once I was up for it."  

Abby has her mothers hands.....

One particular day, I was having a bad day and wrote about it on Facebook...she read my writings about my grief and called me.  She told me to get my walking stick.  (not knowing at the time the one I had belonged to my daughter, Rachel)  She instructed me to get it and to put it beside me and hold on to it when I was grieving,  "for grounding."  I did.  She spoke in such a gentle voice.   I got it and cried hanging on to this stick... and put it beside my bed.   I took a photo of it and tagged Stephanie, with no written words, just the photo.  Others "liked" the photo but only she and I knew the meaning.

 Time passed and Stephanie was going to go on a December Cruise with her family.  Another dear friend of mine was going the same week.... I was so excited for her ...but then the cruise was cancelled unexpectedly ... she was disappointed but wasn't feeling so good , so in true Stephanie form.... looked at the brighter side ... and tried to get well to give me my massage ... then things happened... 

She coughed , she hurt, she went to the doctor..... "pneumonia"

"I am getting better slowly but surely" she wrote to me on FB.

and then

You won't believe this but I had a relapse and "now I have kidney stones"  she stated , so matter of factly.  Oh no, that is so painful I told her ,   but again ,  looking on the bright side was "a little pain to finally get relief and get back to normal."  ARGHHHH

I sent her a message after a brief time of not hearing from her, asking her for an update (this was now JANUARY).   Her husband replied..... he had taken her to the hospital.... she has been diagnosed with.... "cancer."

She couldn't wait to wear the "do rags" that I promised to bring her, she was actually looking forward to what I would bring when the time came.   I asked her what I could bring her besides the fruit that she craved,   "I want to live" was her reply.... I wanted to give her that so badly , in addition to the cherry yogurt, that was her favorite.  I wanted to find and give her .... whatever I could.

A whirlwind of time passed.  The end result was not good.  Stephanie was a warrior , strong and sweet all balled up into one beautiful person. This awful disease tried to snuff out her light, but was unsuccessful right up to the end, as a firefly's light shines brightly especially in the face of darkness.

I knew she would be "everywhere"  just as she explained to me about my daughter.  She would be there , she told us all , she would be watching and she promised not to "haunt us" with a laugh. (a laugh of the contagious kind)
She was "tired" she told me, her body was tired, but her young spirit soared through the room.

And so.... anyone that knows me .... knows.... I don't do funerals ......"well"..... heck I left my own son's funeral mid way through...... but I would not have missed being there for Stephanie and her sweet family for the world.... so I traveled to West Point,  Yesterday.   All the while I turned down my radio and spoke to Rachel and to Stephanie, just as Patrick shared that he did now... often.   I asked for peace for this beautiful family and for them both to send signs that they and we would be okay.

I took my camera out of my car to record the journey.  I took photos along the way and then locked my camera in the car.  I missed my camera.  I wanted so badly to record for everyone, and especially for the family and Valerie, the details that I saw through my own minds eye.... the drum ceremony, the eyes of Jerimy Ford, the purple flower, the lapel pins, the feathers,  the necklace, the ring, the bracelet, the slideshow (especially the photo with the hair!), the love, the elders, the adorable baby that the woman was singing to,  the playground,  every single thing,  I took mental images which everyone knows fade worse than cheap photo processing paper.   I wanted to record it all... 

Signs Everywhere....

...... after the preachers and worship leaders said and did what they could to bring peace to the congregation..... from the back of the church she walked past me.... my mouth dropped open and my eyes were wide... I have no poker face so I am sure if someone would have looked at me they would have wondered what in the world I was so shocked about.   Aside from those undeniable familia traits that ran through both Stephanie and her aunt, Roni,  she walked bravely down the aisle of that tiny church carrying her WALKING STICK.   She climbed the stairs and spoke about the walking stick, and that her husband had carved the word "Attitude" into the stick.  She talked about how Stephanie left a legacy (and read a poem titled just that "legacy" ) and how "little firefly left the legacy of a great attitude" and that we all should learn by that.    Roni did not know the story of mine and Stephanies connection with the Walking Stick, but she told me she knew that Stephanine walked with her through that church.

A true warrior.... one that will be dancing at the June Pow-Wow in great spirit,  that once danced with her husband to one of my favorite songs..... the song that I looked up with a fervor  after watching Patch Adams the first time years ago... Signs , oh yes , there were many....  Stephanie, Little Fire-Fly,  Thank You.    She left us full of grace and went into the mystic..... peacefully and without regret.  She told me that "she and Patrick did what they were called to do".... "they raised two beautiful , wealthy children...... and that they were wealthy not by money she reiterated but by being good people, people with good hearts... the people that the world needed more of."   Her attitude and her love was boundless and self less..... the rare kind of love you don't find very often.   

I will always cherish her friendship and her children and family.  Her children both talked about what a "wonderful nurturing, warrior" she was and "then some."  Her husband speaks so lovingly and with such wit about her and their time together too.  Her priorities on this earth were in order, her friendship to me priceless.
In the last moments with her .... it was so hard to leave....I asked her to find my daughter, as I gave her feet a much needed massage, and she said "she would and could I keep going just a few more minutes."  I know that they will "know each other" on the other side, they will both be carrying beautiful walking sticks.